"The good thing about being a man: You don't give a rat's ass if no-one notices your new haircut. Gray hair and wrinkles add character." ~ Anon
The first time Alex and I went to Rod, our new hairdresser, I followed Alex to the chair and started giving my opinion on how his hair should be cut. Rod immediately cut me off saying: it is his hair, how about the two of us decide what looks good according to his wants?
Of course, he was very diplomatic as not to offend me, but I immediately caught the clue and asked him about this very topic. I told Rod I was writing this book and needed to know more about this subject. He told me that he feels sorry for the guys who come in with their girlfriends and they insist that their men have a certain hair cut. Men being the pleasing types they are, immediately comply.
I then kept thinking about dress style and so on and what I have imposed my taste on my partners. It is so very true that not only I, but many of us, make our men have the appearance we want them to. For instance, I like mustaches. Well, all my men had a mustache when we were together. To my husbands, I would buy them clothes I liked. It was always a matter of "educating" them to what looked good on them, regardless of what they thought would look good on them.
I had a friend who was the nicest looking man in the city where we lived (to my taste, of course). He used to wear dress pants, nice shoes, great shirts, suspenders, and a bow-tie. A bow-tie! That was incredibly charming. He told me that he was not always like that and that his girlfriend had taught him how to dress. Way to go, woman!
Granted, most men have no clue how to dress appropriately. They truly need help. I wonder why their mothers never taught them that, or perhaps, they never learned. There are many books on the subject, or, perhaps, there should be a course in college: "Appearance 101: How to look good," where they would learn about colors, styles, etc. My biggest pet peeve about men"too many of them to ignore" is the eternal cap they insist upon wearing, that is so unbecoming and prevent us from looking them in the eyes.
Speaking of cap, in all my classes, I used asked my students to remove their hats so I could see their eyes. Some of them resented that, but they all complied. One student was very resistant but seeing that it was a good move to obey me, he did so. His hair looked unraveled, of course; his appearance was not that impressive either: he was overweight and sloppily dressed. Well, next class, I noticed that his hair was different. He had cut it. Then, slowly, I noticed a significant change in his appearance. By the end of the 15 week semester, he had lost 30lb, had bought new clothes, looked absolutely stunning, and found a nice girlfriend. Not to mention that he got and "A" in the course. Now, is this a good story or what? And just because I insisted he removed his hat in class. He was absolutely grateful and thrilled. And so was I.
I am now teaching my son that first impressions count tremendously and that he shall always strive to look his best: hair, clothes, shoes, teeth, ears, grooming, etc. Yet, it seems that there is another faulty gene here (or is it in every man?) for many times he is totally inappropriate: the other day, he wanted to go to the opera wearing clothes that were 100% uncoordinated and tennis shoes! Gasp! Of course, I had him change but not without a little apprehension about my limiting his self expression.
Now, this said and done, we must understand that, ultimately, the way a man dresses needs to be entirely up to him. If we don't like it when we meet them, we will not like them later on. We can always try to coax them into something more appropriate; however, if he doesn't comply, we need to lower our expectations or close our eyes.
A Word of Advice
Ladies: Hints do not work. If you think your man does not dress appropriately, tell him so and give many suggestions always respecting his opinion on about what feels good and comfortable. Buy him a book with many pictures.
Gents: Listen to your woman's suggestions but be the one to decide what you want to wear.
© Maria Moratto 2006
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Dr. Maria Moratto is the author of "The Inspired Healing For Your Body, Mind, and Soul," "The Inspired Healing Journal: Mending Your Broken Heart," and "Attract Money Journal." Visit her site to get fr*ee affirmation cards.
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